life in times of the unexpected

because normal is boring

Belonging

 

hold on

When was the last time you did or said something stupid to get someone to like you. It may seem like a weird question but the truth is that we all do it sometime in our lives. It’s a primal desire to fit in to whatever tribe is the strongest.  Sometimes we do it for popularity and sometimes we do it for one person in particular, but the one thing it never fails to do, is to make us look like jack asses.

As you may have guessed I have had more than my share of times when this has happened. I don’t know what it is about me but I have an unshakable need to be liked. When someone doesn’t like me it really messes with my head, so as you can imagine high school was hell for me. There were so many people who didn’t like or understand me, some because I had a lisp others because I was a bit over weight and still others because I hadn’t lived in India for many years. This to them made me a foreigner and in their minds I looked down on them.

To be fair initially I did have an attitude problem but it didn’t take me long to get how far behind I was academically.  I had done my kindergarten, first and third in an american school. To clarify, I did love going to an American school ,the teachers and the children were good to me and because of the attention of the teachers I was able to deal with my dyslexia, but in many regards they weren’t up to scratch. While we had just started division in my school, in India students were doing BODMAS like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Soon enough I was just looked down on by everybody and I became a recluse. This lasted for a while, even though I moved around a lot the feeling of never fitting in never left me and for a time I did some pretty stupid things just to make them like me for a while. It laughing-300x187took me a long time to realize they would never like me, not because I was wrong or unlikable but because no one ever like those who do things for attention. If you act well and do anything they want you to do (and I could never do that well) they might act like they like you, but soon you will realize that any affection they showed you was just a way of getting what they wanted. The only way you will ever be liked properly is to be yourself.

It may sound trite to you but that is the only way. You may be able to lie cheat and bluff your way into people’s good graces for a while but it won’t last in the long run. When I finally understood that was when I finally made some real friends. I don’t have to pretend with them, of there is something about me they don’t like or that they may not understand, they may make fun of me but they always accept me.

Life is a battle and high school is the first wave, you have to be strong and tough it out and if you manage to make it this far and are still the person you are at your core then I promise you, you will make friends. It takes longer for some people and some people are lucky enough for it to happen early in their life’s but it happens for all of us if we hold on.

You may think “easy for you to say, you’re out of school now” but really it isn’t. I went through a lot to get these friends and now I’m leaving them behind too, when I go to college. You have no idea how freaking scared I am to be alone again but I know that if I am myself then all the crappy times will fade away to make way for the new better things that are waiting for you.

 

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This entry was posted on April 18, 2013 by in Daily Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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